The stay at home vs. working mom debate (my version)

I see mom’s going at each other on message boards with clear opinions that there is a right and a wrong answer to this. I don’t get it myself. Both can provide great learning lessons for your kids, just differently. But they sure as hell can send the same message if you are a crappy parent.

If you are a stay at home mom that has an ass groove on the couch-your a crappy parenting. If you are a working mom that is the first to drop the kids off at opening and last to pick up (and not because of financial hardship)-your a crappy parent.

And here I go with yet another list. I really should start call them “how to not be an asshole lists”. I used to think that common sense wasn’t needed for parenting–apparently not so much!

If you are a working mom:

  • If you run into a mother who is covered in peanut butter and her hair is a mess and she is wearing shorts in the winter–don’t chirp to the other well dressed mom’s about the way she looks. You don’t know the what happened that morning and I bet if there was a surprise visit to you on the weekend, you aren’t all modelling material.
  • Do not commit to activities on the PTA that you know you will be unable to do and pass it off at the last minute. It doesn’t impress anyone. (PTA is a whole other blog!)
  • Yes you maybe in a hurry to get to work, however that doesn’t mean you get to cut people off in the parking lot.

If you are a stay at home mom:

  • Don’t assume that well dressed mom you run into at school spent 2 hours getting ready. I am guessing she has only shaved the parts that you can see, that dry shampoo is her friend, and she has to double check in the mirror after speed dressing just before leaving that she matches and that she doesn’t have peanut butter on her either!
  • That working moms don’t care about their kids as much as you. Maybe they didn’t have a choice to not work, or maybe they want to send a message that you can have a career and a family-they just balance it out differently.
  • Although you may not be on a strict morning clock to check in, that doesn’t mean that you get to hold up the teacher for trivial things. Please be mindful that we all get a turn and if you have the option of talking at a different time and see an upset parent waiting patiently that you know needs to go to work, please be courteous- I am sure that parent will be over the moon grateful to you!



Real Parents Aren’t Perfect!

I just went down into my basement looking for, god only knows what, as since I have had my kids I seem to need a note to go from point A to point B and bring what I was looking for back. I also seem to need a note for when I get back with the item to tell my what the hell I needed it for. But I digress.

So back to my basement and some back story. We have a large basement, about 1600 sq. ft. In our infinite wisdom, we decided to make it kid friendly when the kids were about 3. Guess what-kids don’t really like basements!  No matter how we tempted them down there it wasn’t happening. So I gave up. Not worth the fight. At age 6 we thought, “Hey. they are getting older, lets pimp it out and make it a place they want to be in”. $1300 dollars in Ikea, paint and a whole lot of swearing and we make this awesome play room….guess what? Kids don’t like basements.

So it has become my mission to take back my upper level and get them into the play room. I had it beautifully set up, stations everywhere. A child’s dream. I even sorted the little Barbie Clothes, Shopkins and the dreaded damn Lego.

Keep in mind that my husband works about 60 hours a week, I work about 45 and the kids are in extra curricular activities-basically we are your average family that goes mock 4. What I am getting at here is, apparently that if Mom isn’t the supervisor, the definition of clean looks like the above picture! And that is just one area.

Guess what-I am not perfect.

We have a junk drawer and apparently now a basement that looks like Toys R Us threw up in. What I would love to do is take a shovel and throw it all out, but let’s get real, there is only so much I can sneak out and donate before they catch on. So on a free day we will go back down to the basement and clean it. But if you came over and saw it, I don’t care. It isn’t something that makes me ashamed. I would rather create memories for them of time together.

My upper level is kept clean. The 6 year olds do chores and are even capable of starting their own laundry, so for the haters-bite me! The basement will get clean—eventually. In a fast paced world of two working families and an education system that is broken,, which means I get to help teach topics—-whole other rant—, it will get done, there will be other days. But for now, I suggest that if you need to use or get anything from my basement, wear work boots and keep your opinions to yourself. Unless of course you have unlimited free time and feel like cleaning it up!